Head Hopping
Head hopping is not to be confused
with multiple viewpoints. Multiple viewpoints are expected in
romance. Head hopping refers to writing where the
point of view jumps among multiple characters
within a scene.
Stay in one head long
enough to ground the reader
Avoid flip-flopping between the hero and the
heroine in the same scene:
"I don't like what you are implying,"
she said angrily. Her heart pounded because being
close to him was a heady feeling. (Editor:
Her POV.)
"I am not implying anything," he said
defensively,
finding himself completely mesmerized by her beautiful blue eyes
as they stared at each other. (Editor:
Now, it's his POV.)
"Then what did you mean?" she asked
suspiciously,
wanting him to at least admit that he missed her, too. (Editor:
Back to hers.)
"I missed you," he said truthfully, not wanting
to spend
the little time they had together by fighting with each other. (Editor:
Now, it's his. It's a ping-pong effect. Very distracting to
read.)
"Did you really?" she said, delighted. Her
beautiful eyes lit up to match the pure pleasure that coursed
through her. (Editor:
We thought it's her turn to get the POV, but it has to be his POV
because she certainly
can't see her own beautiful eyes light up. But he must be
psychic and therefore can feel the pure pleasure as it courses
through her. This is bad--head hopping in the same sentence!)
"Of course, my darling!" he cried
fervently and reached
for her, wanting her so badly he ached. She could
resist him no longer as she reached for him with the same
eagerness. (Editor: Head hopping in the same paragraph.)
Also, the writing
is bad. Really bad.
And
those
dialogue tags and accompanying adverbs!
Dialogue
doesn't need a tag every time a character speaks.
Whose point of view is this?
(Heroine is alone in the scene.)
Candice did not want to be late for her
meeting again. She did not want to give Henry the opportunity
to accuse her of deliberately trying to sabotage the project.
She ran down the steps to her car, determination etched on her
face, her sun-kissed blonde hair bouncing about her slender
shoulders. Reaching for her car keys with slim fingers, she
unlocked the door and got inside.
(Editor: Candice
can't
see the determination on her face unless she's looking into a mirror
as she runs. Also, she is not likely to think about her blonde
hair as being sun-kissed or her shoulders slender or her fingers
slim. It's equivalent to reading: "I ran down the steps to my
car, determination etched on my face, my sun-kissed blonde
hair bouncing about my slender shoulders. Reaching for my car
keys with slim fingers...").
How to fix head hopping
-
At the start of a scene, choose one point
of view and stay in that character's head. The best POV is the character who
has the most to lose.
-
When in doubt, ask yourself: "Is this
something the POV character sees, smells, tastes, hears,
touches, feels, knows, or thinks?" If not, then you may be head hopping.
-
Need help? Google for "head hopping"
or "head-hopping."
Head hopping is a
technique
If you choose to head hop from one character
to the next, the trick is to make sure your readers always
know whose head they are in at any particular time. Siren will accept manuscripts for
publication where head hopping is done skillfully. Unfortunately, most
of the time, the author isn't
even aware of this technique. Writing is a craft, and
point of view should be handled properly if the author chooses
to head hop. There are some reviewers and readers who don't
care about head hopping, but there are quite a lot of those
who will not buy books where the author head hops.
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